Worried about sexual performance

Anyone can worry about how good they are in bed!  

Whether your male or female, there can be pressure to look good and perform well during sex (this often comes from the media, for example, TV,/film and music videos or pornography).  The images that we see in the media are often are unrealistic: bodies may be airbrushed, heavily made up, and carefully planned camera angles to give the best shots. 

If you're worried that the other person you're going to have sex with will not fancy you naked, then maybe they're not the right person for you!  You need to feel confident and comfortable with them.  It's also important to feel relaxed and comfortable with who you are, and not to do things that you don't want to do. 

Some young women may worry about how they look and this can make them feel unconfident. There is a lot of pressure from the media to have a 'perfect' body.  Remember that women come in all shapes and sizes, and so do their vaginas!  If you're worried about showing your body during sex, or being sexually active, you can can always chat with a Shine worker at a Shine clinic or our Shine counsellor.

Some young men may worry about the size of their penis. Like any other part of the body, penises come in different shapes and sizes. Everyone develops at a different rate and everybody is different.

Young men can also be worried about when they ejaculate or cum.  When you're first in a relationship, you may find it difficult not to cum too quickly because you're turned on and excited. There can be a lot of pressure and expectation around keeping an erection or hard-on, keeping sex going, and around cuming too soon (premature ejaculation).  You can find further info about ejaculation here.  Sometimes, what you feel is too short a time, may be fine for your partner.

One of the reasons a young man may ejaculate too quickly is because they're anxious that this is going to happen, and then when it does happen their fears are confirmed and they can become even more anxious, and so a cycle starts.

It can really help to talk to someone.  You could talk with your partner about your worries. You can also get in touch with Shine and arrange to talk to our counsellor.  Brook, the young people's national sexual heatlh charity, also have a helpline you can contact 0808 802 1234 (Mon-Fri 9am-7pm).  Find out more about contacting Brook.